my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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