Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
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Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
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Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
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