I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
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mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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