Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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