I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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