why didn't you poke me back
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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