my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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