So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
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You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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