were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
