could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
