I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's rum buckets o'clock
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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