That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
The power of my boobs compel you
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize