mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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