I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
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We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
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I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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