She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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