I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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