Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
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Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
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I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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