ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
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