This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
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