After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
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