from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
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I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
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Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
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