taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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