my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize