im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
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I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
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I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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