Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
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I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
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