she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
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We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
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I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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