forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize