I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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