She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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