I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
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Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
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At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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