you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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