Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize