There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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