You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
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What a dumb baby whore.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
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