I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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