First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize