god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize