What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
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I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
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Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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