Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize