was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
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If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
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Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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