My brain says no but my pants say off.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like death gave me a hand job
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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