it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
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I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
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She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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