woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
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