wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
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His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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