we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize