Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
We had sex on a dog bed..
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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