Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize