Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize