I haven't been this sober since birth.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize