If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'm always down for nudity.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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