gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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