I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I think I won the penis lottery.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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